The National Security Administration has confirmed that former President Barack Hussein Obama initiated contact with ISIS “hundreds of times.” Millions of conservative Americans have long suspected a link between the terrorist organization and the former President and now we have proof.
They were right for a change, though as usual, not in the way that they thought they were.
NSA Agent Deanna Joan held a rare press conference to go over the findings.
“I’m here to confirm that former President Obama made contact with ISIS hundreds of times. Please understand that ‘by made contact’, we mean drone strikes, air and ground assaults, ship-based missile launches, and other things that are classified. He didn’t back down from anyone anytime.
I know I’m disappointing a lot of people with this, you thought I was going to say that he was cozying up to these terrorists? Child, please. You’re projecting Trump and Kim or Putin or Xi or Duterte. They wanted me to lie to you and say what you were hoping was true. Joke’s on you, taters!
But you know what? Today I hit 20 years, I’m retiring effective immediately, so screw you guys. I’m going home.“
Agent Joan then surfed the crowd of journalists on the way out the door to living happily ever after.
Luckily for all of us, we have our Dear Leader Donald Trump, who knows more about ISIS than the generals. In his great wisdom, he allowed ISIS to expand in Syria and gave an airfield to Russia. It is wrong for us to question the best President we’ve ever had. He’s playing chess while the rest of the world is playing Chutes and Ladders.
Ask anyone and they’ll tell you that they are better off now than during the entire disaster of the Obama farce. If you love America, do your part to keep our Great President in the office this November!